arresteddevelopment

I suppose I'm buy-curious. -Tobias
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Great, so now we don't have a car or a jet? Why don't we just take an ad out in
"I'm Poor" magazine. -Lindsay
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Dinner's ready! We're having Lindsay chops. What? I want her to be prepared in
case some bully at school is as clever as I am. -Lucille, to young Michael and
Lindsay
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You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular
flesh. -Ann
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This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers. -Tobias
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Luz, that coat costs more than your house! Oh, that's how we joke. She doesn't
even have a house. -Lucille
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[Crying] I just want my brother to envy my money, but he's got that hair. Why can't I have hair and money, and him nothing? -George Sr.
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I just want my kids back. -Tom Jane
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Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. -Gob
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Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not
your chair.
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Oh it's so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth all over and then she'll take an egg and kind of mmmmmm. She calls it a mayonegg." -George Michael to Michael, about Ann
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Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president, which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob. -Narrator
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Portugal? Gonna live it up down ol' South America way, eh Mikey? -Gob
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George Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, you were, you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You're just a, a turd.
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I mean there is so much in life that I haven't experienced, and now that I'm away from mom I feel like this is my chance to live. I want to dance. I want to make love to a woman. I want to get a checking account. I want to know what it feels like to get my face socked in! -Buster
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What's Spanish for "I know you speak English"? -Lucille to Michael, about the painter
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George Michael: I have Pop Pop in the attic.
Michael: What? The mere fact that you call "making love" Pop Pop tells me that you're not ready.
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Barry: Well, if he's got a shot with her, just give me a little tap on the fanny.
Michael: It's not going to happen.
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I hear the jury's still out on science. -Gob
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Jessie: Hi George Michael, proud of yourself?
George Michael: Yeah actually, I got a bum away from the stand without hurting his feelings. That was pretty sweet.
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I'm sorry, I'm just still on the whole "Michael being likable" thing. You know he's only had sex with like four women, right? -Gob
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But Gob mistook Michael's basic human decency for a romantic interest, and felt a competitive urge to step in. -Narrator
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Ann, you need to decide whether you want a man or a boy. I know how I'd answer. -Tobias
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Trevor: It's not your fault your parents were cousins, but here we are. I've been charged with taking care of you, and I'm bloody well going to do it.
Rita: Well, Michael will be my cousin soon enough, 'cause we're getting married!
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I even tried to convince them he's gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son. -Lucille, to Michael, about Buster
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Steve Holt! -Steve Holt et al.
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Let's just make Ann the backup. Okay? Very good way to think about her. As a backup. -Michael, to George Michael
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Look, you are playing adults [falls off chair]. Pick that up, please...with fully formed libidos. Not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower. -Tobias
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Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society. -Gob
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Oh, a pregnancy test. There's something we never had, huh, Lindsay? No, we had to create our little Frankenstein monster out of science, and money, and just a dash of [notices Maeby has entered] Maeby...would...how...how long have you been standing there? -Tobias
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Annyong! -Annyong
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And although he'd only gotten to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. -Narrator, about George Michael
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I don't think us sleeping together is working out. You're a grown man; you should be living with your mother. -Michael, to Buster
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I'm going to see if I can get a wrench to strip my nuts. [everyone looks at her] I was trying to be sexy, it just got away from me. -Lindsay
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Well if you wanna play Eve you gotta get in line, behind what, about five homos? That was wrong. -Barry
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There are dozens of us. Dozens! -Tobias, about never nudes
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Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael! No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard.
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Oh now you love the ten commandments. Yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord." -Gob, to Michael
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Oscar: The question is, which way do I try to get it in her?
Michael: I don't need any details.
Oscar: Maybe, I'll put it in her brownie.
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I'm going crazy with the boredom, Michael. At least in prison, we had knife fights and we had movie night. And once, both. Those men did not enjoy "Soapdish." I think you have to know that world. -George Sr.
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Gene Parmesan, how you doing? -Gene Parmesan
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Actually Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditation to calm herself, but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap. -Narrator
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George Sr. [to Michael]: All right, now look, just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean you have to marry her. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an I.U.D.
Lucille: It was Stuckey's.
George Sr.: But I believed you!
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Oh, that is just great. And now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's, "Oh, let's have Gob [bleep] our way out of it." -Gob
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Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man! -Lucille
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Hey, why don't you pop a tent in front with your cousin Maeby? -Michael, to George Michael
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Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be okay. -Lindsay
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Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed? You don't need double talk, you need Bob Loblaw. -Bob Loblaw
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Gob: And guess what else? Dad kissed me!
Michael: How? He looked pretty unconscious in that picture.
Gob: I didn't say he was totally into it!
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Maeby: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the "T" on it?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?
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Stan Sitwell: The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
Gob: That's great, so the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we're saying? Come on!
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Buster so excelled at being neither seen nor heard that he remained at the school undetected for a full two semesters after he was supposed to graduate. -Narrator
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I'm not sure how "Solid as a Rock" helps people forget that we built houses in Iraq. -Michael, to Gob
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Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's like "die already!" -Gob
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Now there's been a break-in [holding her rape horn in one hand and a fireplace poker in the other]. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. First I blow him, then I poke him. -Lucille
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Marry me! -Maeby
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Michael: We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.
George Sr.: I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work!
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I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up. -Tobias, to Buster
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[To Carl Weathers, referring to Tobias] If that man's straight, then I am sober. -Dave Attell
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Tobias: What are you doing up here?
George Sr.: I'm having a [bleep]ing tea party, what does it look like I'm doing? [shoves Tobias against the wall and covers his mouth with his hand] I'm living up here and if you tell anyone about this, I will [bleep]ing kill you. Ah, stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.
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You're gonna get some hop-ons. -Michael, about the stair car
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Everyone's laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster. -Lucille
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Michael: I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic.
Lindsay: From who? The Nazis?
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I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will. So now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. -Tobias
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Maybe it was the 11 months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus but, he was our miracle baby. I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care so, he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy. I don't know, maybe it was my fault, maybe I ignored the guy. -George Sr., speaking to Michael about Buster, who is sitting right next to them
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And say goodbye to these, because it's the last time! [flashes breasts] -Kitty
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No, mother! I can blow myself and you have interfered for the last time! -Buster
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Tobias: Oh come on, don't leave your Uncle Tea Bag hangin'.
George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.
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We're all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I'm going to sleep with my daughter, and you're going to sleep with my husband. -Lindsay, to George Michael
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Suddenly he's too much of a big shot to brush Mother's hair. -Lucille, about Buster
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Hey brother. -Buster
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Well then Frank, I shall be a bigger, hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh. -Tobias
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Lindsay: I have the afternoon free.
Lucille: Really? Did "nothing" cancel?
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Yes, he's lost his left hand, so he's going to be "all right." -Doctor
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Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.
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And that's why you always leave a note. -J. Walter Weatherman
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You stay on top of her, buddy. Do not be afraid to ride her...hard. -Michael, to George Michael, about Maeby
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First of all, we're doing this for her. Okay? Because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And secondably, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead. -Tobias, to Michael
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there's still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby you got a stew going! -Carl Weathers
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Tobias: Perhaps I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to come up with something more nautically themed. Hot sailors. Better yet, hot se-
Michael: I like hot sailors.
Tobias: Mmm. Me too.
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No touching! -Prison guard et al.
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Lucille: Get me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.
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And please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-office [bleep]ing, or [bleep]ing, or finger-[bleep], or [bleep]sting or [bleep]ing, or even [bleep], even though so many people in this office are begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll shave my [bleep], and I'll personally [long bleep]. -Gob
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Michael: I can't stand to hear one more lie out of this family.
Tobias [entering, to Lindsay]: Ah, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to.
Michael: Okay, but that's the last one.
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Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
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Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken? -Michael, about the family's variety of chicken sounds and dances
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Oh, mom. After all these years, God's not gonna take a call from you. -Michael
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Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the cupid, aren't you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks anytime.
Michael: Okay. You know what you do? Buy yourself a tape recorder. Record yourself for a whole day. I think you're gonna be surprised at some of your phrasing.
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I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? 10 dollars? - Lucille
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Well I will tell you this, Michael. I don't have a son (Narrator: He does), but if I ever do, I'm either gonna take him to the cabin in the woods, or I'm gonna promise to take him and then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do, is not tell him that I'm taking him to a cabin in the woods and then not take him! -Gob
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I'll never understand that you can never be nude? I understand more than you'll...never know. -Tobias, to George Michael
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I don't want no part of yo' tired ass country club, ya freak bitch! -Franklin (Buster), to Lucille
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George Michael: Uncle Gob, hey um, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant?
Gob: Oh yeah, dozens of times.
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Mrs. Featherbottom: Who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right, I forgot. Here in the states you call it a sausage in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.
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Lucille: Stop playing with mother's rape horn. Yes, I have a rape horn,
Michael, because you took away my mace.
Buster: Yeah, like anyone would want to "R" her.
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There's always money in the banana stand. -George Sr.
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Okay Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over? An analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. -Tobias
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Michael [to Gob]: Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
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I'm afraid I just blue myself. -Tobias
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I've made a huge mistake. -Gob et al.
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Her? -Michael et al.
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