slap.rb

#!/usr/local/bin/ruby

require 'cinch'

class Slap
  include Cinch::Plugin
  @help="!slap"
  match(/slap (.+)/)#,{:use_prefix => false})

  def initialize(*args)
    super
    curdir = File.dirname(__FILE__);
    @slaps=YAML::load_file("#{curdir}/slap.yaml")
  end

  def execute(m,user)
    slaps = [
      " with a large, wet trout",
      " really fucking hard",
      "'s stupid bitch face",
      " like a lover in heat",
      " leaving a mushroom stamp",
      " then shits on the floor",
      " like a pansy",
      " with great zeal",
      " with wild abandon",
      " but cries a little on the inside",
      " half heartedly",
      " using a board with a nail in the end",
      " to death and pisses on the corpse",
      " with a sock full of quarters",
      " except it was a roundhouse kick",
      "'s maddeningly adorable face",
      " right in the taint",
      " while holding a cute, fluffy, little bunny",
      " accidentally - OOPS",
      " so softly it was like the wind's caress",
      " with the force of 21 tons of TNT",
      "'s left butt cheek and yells 'GOOD GAME!'"
    ]

    slap = @slaps.sample

    if user=="lirakis" || user=="gremlyn"
      m.reply "I am programmed not to harm my masters!"
      m.action_reply "slaps #{m.user.nick} #{slap}"
    elsif m.user.nick=="lirakis" || m.user.nick=="gremlyn"
      m.action_reply "slaps #{user}#{slap}"
    else
      test = rand(5)

      if test == 1
        m.action_reply "slaps #{user}#{slap}"
      else
        m.reply "Sorry, not this time!"
        m.action_reply "slaps #{m.user.nick}#{slap}"
      end
    end
  end
end