AskAcademia-1542438702-9xuh17.json

{
  "sid": "9xuh17",
  "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/",
  "title:": "Is it common to cry in PhD programs",
  "text": "I haven't even started and my professor is already saying that it will be challenging and that I will cry. Is that common? Are there people that have never cried?\n\n​\n\nWow! Lots of great stories here....good to know, thanks everyone.",
  "author": "phdnewbie",
  "created": 1542438702,
  "updated": 1634081811,
  "over_18": false,
  "upvotes": 112,
  "upvote_ratio": 0.93,
  "comments": {
    "e9v9mdf": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v9mdf/",
      "text": "[\"Graduate School Should Be Challenging, Not Traumatizing\"](https://www.chronicle.com/article/Graduate-School-Should-Be/245028?fbclid=IwAR0EQEpz74dpqDGe0af6egsVitF6U54jqwjSVDjezOGAb7OfMxuFgoW_U-E).\n\nSome departments, unfortunately, have an unhealthy culture that promotes the idea that unless you're suffering, you're not working hard enough or doing it right. \n\nSome people cry. That could happen for a variety of reasons. But having a mental breakdown or emotional meltdown should not be the norm in your PhD program.",
      "author": "Impune",
      "created": 1542441685,
      "upvotes": 164,
      "replies": {
        "e9vv3lt": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vv3lt/",
          "text": "We had a fairly supportive program.  I never cried or wept, but I know lots of people who did.  They were relatively unused to criticism (took it as a personal slight rather than a chance to change), or were otherwise overly sensitive about individual grades.  There's also the very real imposter syndrome that a lot of people have to consistently wrestle with ...",
          "author": "MagicJasoni",
          "created": 1542465636,
          "upvotes": 30,
          "replies": {
            "e9vy185": {
              "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vy185/",
              "text": ">They were relatively unused to criticism (took it as a personal slight rather than a chance to change), or were otherwise overly sensitive about individual grades.\n\nThis is so so common. I think a big part is the combination of the fact that so many grad students have never had a real job and that they put their self worth into their work.",
              "author": "frisky_fishy",
              "created": 1542467484,
              "upvotes": 18,
              "replies": {
                "e9vyphd": {
                  "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vyphd/",
                  "text": "I know a woman who got a B on an assignment and sought out counseling on campus.  It was one assignment, too.",
                  "author": "MagicJasoni",
                  "created": 1542467904,
                  "upvotes": 4,
                  "replies": {
                    "e9vzvxr": {
                      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vzvxr/",
                      "text": "Honestly, good for her that she recognized that she was struggling and sought out help to develop better coping mechanisms. I don't think it was your intention, but this sounds a bit \"shaming\". Grad school is hard, and most of us do it at a time of our lives where a lot of other major life changes are happening. Maybe this woman was simply devastated because of her B (I would be too--in my program a B is a failing mark), or maybe she's dealing with other things too and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. To anyone reading this, never feel ashamed for reaching out to a therapist or counseling services. If you're emotionally distraught or struggling with your mental health, take advantage of that service. It doesn't mean that you're weak or cannot cope or that you don't belong in grad school.",
                      "author": "riotous_jocundity",
                      "created": 1542468625,
                      "upvotes": 56,
                      "replies": {
                        "e9w3eqr": {
                          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w3eqr/",
                          "text": "Oh yeah, it was good for her to do that rather than let things come to a head.  ",
                          "author": "MagicJasoni",
                          "created": 1542471212,
                          "upvotes": 5,
                          "replies": {}
                        }
                      }
                    },
                    "e9wz8fz": {
                      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9wz8fz/",
                      "text": "My advisor has been known to occasionally give people shit for getting As in classes. His logic is basically, in grad school your grades don't matter, your own research does, so just learn what you need to from your classes and focus most of your time and energy on your own work. I agree with him mostly, except if you're doing a masters and planning on applying to a PhD where your GPA during your masters could matter.",
                      "author": "TheForrester7k",
                      "created": 1542492618,
                      "upvotes": 4,
                      "replies": {}
                    }
                  }
                }
              }
            },
            "e9vy58s": {
              "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vy58s/",
              "text": "The program where I did my Ph.D. had a hardcore culture of dipsomania. Not just the field biology dudes like me, but almost everybody. We'd work all day fueled on coffee, then go to the bar and get shitfaced, then wake up early and chug coffee until going to the bar again. It was 100% unhealthy. I suppose it's a different approach to the stress. I'd say maybe crying would be the healthier option. ",
              "author": "Argos_the_Dog",
              "created": 1542467553,
              "upvotes": 12,
              "replies": {}
            }
          }
        },
        "e9vxszo": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vxszo/",
          "text": "This is so timely for me, thank you for posting it! \n\nMy last grad program was traumatizing. It was also slim on academics; it was essentially two years of being profoundly overworked while also being told not to take any more classes than the bare minimum required by the degree. I was even told not to take electives that, when I went to apply for graduation, it turned out I HAD to take to finish. I felt like cheap exploited labor and learned very little. I also thought I hated grad school, because people at my institution kept telling me that it was \"just how grad school is\".\n\nI started another program before I finished my thesis, and while it's been really hard making time for edits while I'm also balls-to-the-wall in my new program, I love it. It's HARD. Not in the \"you're teaching three sections and I need you in the lab feeding animals, cleaning cages, and supervising undergrads at least 50 hours a week\" kind of way that I'm used to, but in the \"Brain better be in high gear because you're gonna learn HARD this week\" kind of way. I'm excited. The academic standards are higher and the demands are very real; the weekly assignments are easily more intense and time-consuming than the finals were in my last program, and that is, if anything, an understatement. It's challenging, well-structured, with tons of scaffolding and support, and even though I'm in classes, studying, or working on assignments 10-14 hours a day, I'm not constantly exhausted, overworked, and demoralized like I was in my last program. ",
          "author": "Weaselpanties",
          "created": 1542467327,
          "upvotes": 13,
          "replies": {
            "e9x4wdq": {
              "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9x4wdq/",
              "text": "[deleted]",
              "author": null,
              "created": 1542497002,
              "upvotes": 1,
              "replies": {
                "e9xyzmd": {
                  "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9xyzmd/",
                  "text": "Behavioral endocrinology, with a focus on reproductive behavior. I\u2019m transitioning now to epidemiology, so I can put what I\u2019ve learned so far to work to identify public health problems. ",
                  "author": "Weaselpanties",
                  "created": 1542522787,
                  "upvotes": 1,
                  "replies": {}
                }
              }
            }
          }
        }
      }
    },
    "e9v8i33": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v8i33/",
      "text": "I mean, it depends on you as a person. I\u2019m a crier. I also get really upset over little things and am probably (read: definitely) too hard on myself sometimes, which means I cry a lot. \n\nIs this specific to me being a PhD student? Probably not. I was the same when I was 16 working at a fast food place. ",
      "author": "sciencekittens",
      "created": 1542439513,
      "upvotes": 83,
      "replies": {
        "e9wihch": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9wihch/",
          "text": "Same. My go-to response to frustration is to cry. Research makes me frustrated a lot, so...",
          "author": "bojibridge",
          "created": 1542482099,
          "upvotes": 11,
          "replies": {}
        },
        "e9v8mtl": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v8mtl/",
          "text": "Thanks for sharing. Good luck!",
          "author": "phdnewbie",
          "created": 1542439746,
          "upvotes": 7,
          "replies": {}
        }
      }
    },
    "e9v86nh": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v86nh/",
      "text": "I never like bawled, but I got pretty upset when I was told I didn't belong in a PhD program.",
      "author": "quasitopologist",
      "created": 1542438970,
      "upvotes": 39,
      "replies": {
        "e9v8m6j": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v8m6j/",
          "text": "Wow I would cry at that too....keep going if you are still in it. Good luck!",
          "author": "phdnewbie",
          "created": 1542439713,
          "upvotes": 7,
          "replies": {
            "e9v8mwo": {
              "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v8mwo/",
              "text": "Thanks! I finished somehow and even got a job!",
              "author": "quasitopologist",
              "created": 1542439750,
              "upvotes": 22,
              "replies": {
                "e9v8qjz": {
                  "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v8qjz/",
                  "text": "That's awesome! Congrats!!! :)",
                  "author": "phdnewbie",
                  "created": 1542439933,
                  "upvotes": 6,
                  "replies": {
                    "e9v8rx2": {
                      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9v8rx2/",
                      "text": "Thanks! I will say that almost everyone I know has a BRUTAL first year of PhD program. It's really really hard and scary.",
                      "author": "quasitopologist",
                      "created": 1542440005,
                      "upvotes": 10,
                      "replies": {
                        "e9x52ht": {
                          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9x52ht/",
                          "text": "[deleted]",
                          "author": null,
                          "created": 1542497129,
                          "upvotes": 1,
                          "replies": {
                            "e9y0qxp": {
                              "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9y0qxp/",
                              "text": "So I wasn't in a lab, and my program was a combined Master's/PhD, so I guess technically the first year of my Master's was really hard. But I thought of it as the first year of my \"PhD program.\"",
                              "author": "quasitopologist",
                              "created": 1542524853,
                              "upvotes": 2,
                              "replies": {
                                "e9y0yup": {
                                  "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9y0yup/",
                                  "text": "I think though, imho, the PhD is brutal just because (1) nobody really understands the work necessary and (2) everyone thinks they're there by mistake and has imposter syndrome. Also, regarding (1) above, anyone who has gotten to grad school is used to \"studying,\" in the sense of reading books and understanding what's in them, and maybe even remixing that into new opinions. But very few of us are used to the just back breaking work of CREATING new knowledge. And this feeds into part (2) because every step of the way you're thinking \"This is a dead end, why am I doing this, my inability to succeed as a researcher and my inherent worthlessness is going to be revealed at any moment.\" And this, imho, makes it unbelievably hard to keep trudging through your own creative process (where \"creative\" here applies to all disciplines, STEM and humanities both).",
                                  "author": "quasitopologist",
                                  "created": 1542525126,
                                  "upvotes": 4,
                                  "replies": {}
                                }
                              }
                            }
                          }
                        }
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                    }
                  }
                }
              }
            }
          }
        }
      }
    },
    "e9va9pd": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9va9pd/",
      "text": "Honestly, I count a day as a good day if I don't cry. But I cry both when I am sad and when I am furious. ",
      "author": "ssbbgo",
      "created": 1542443013,
      "upvotes": 31,
      "replies": {
        "e9vfot7": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vfot7/",
          "text": "Same.... ",
          "author": "letsgogaels",
          "created": 1542451997,
          "upvotes": 8,
          "replies": {
            "ea08s12": {
              "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/ea08s12/",
              "text": "Happy Cake Day fam. ",
              "author": "inspectorkido",
              "created": 1542589441,
              "upvotes": 2,
              "replies": {}
            }
          }
        },
        "e9w1um9": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w1um9/",
          "text": "Crying is my \"all-purpose emotion.\" Generally, I'm exhausted and/ or frustrated. Next likely is enraged or furious. Overwhelmed, definitely. \"Sad\" or \"scared\" is generally NOT why I'm crying.",
          "author": "karenaviva",
          "created": 1542469999,
          "upvotes": 7,
          "replies": {}
        }
      }
    },
    "e9vfght": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vfght/",
      "text": "It's a complex topic, because \"crying\" or feeling depressed can really stem from different situations. u/Impune linked a really nice blog post that covers most of it. Avoid toxic situatons; but the truth is that especially in the bio field, you're throwing yourself into a completely new experience. Most students, in the country where I reside, come to a PhD program as very bright people who always had the certainty of being able to advance in their studies if they put enough hard work on it. When you enter a PhD program, this phase is basically over. When in a bio PhD program, long hours of study and hard work are just the basic premise; but then there are so many things you can't control and that can jeopardize your progress. Your experiments failing for some obscure reason, and you need to figure out what it is or you won't have any results. Cell lines getting contaminated and lost. Experiments whose results just go against the initial hypothesis. The spectre of competing researchers publishing similar results before you. In bad environments, even the paranoia that a labmate could be sabotaging your results. That's a lot of \"new kinds of problems\", unfortunately, and these are just the few off the tip of my tongue. And supervisors and professors are already numbed to it because... that's more or less as challenging as any working environment outside of your comfort zone. So, it's hard to notice when lines are being crossed. It's complicated.",
      "author": "bioruffo",
      "created": 1542451657,
      "upvotes": 26,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vjdtg": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vjdtg/",
      "text": "Umm...yes? Crying during class not as much. \n\nAt home in the shower...yes. ",
      "author": "Quindi",
      "created": 1542456408,
      "upvotes": 28,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vdarm": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vdarm/",
      "text": "I\u2019ve never cried because of someone in my lab or my advisor. I have cried because of a class or if research didn\u2019t get good results. But not from anything someone\u2019s done to me. There\u2019s a line between challenging and unhealthy.",
      "author": "marykate216",
      "created": 1542448383,
      "upvotes": 21,
      "replies": {
        "e9vozp2": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vozp2/",
          "text": "I think this kind of crying is probably normal and not something that should deter you from getting a PhD.  But I also remember making a joke that it was too early in the semester to have a break down and my advisor was just like \"no no no, no break downs.\" So there's a sense in our department that there will probably be times when you want to bang your head against the wall because you can't figure something out, but it shouldn't be because the program is so ridiculous. ",
          "author": "hangryforknowledge",
          "created": 1542461308,
          "upvotes": 6,
          "replies": {}
        }
      }
    },
    "e9vngz4": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vngz4/",
      "text": "I cried all the time in grad school, and I've maybe cried once since.  But man, I cried in the bathroom stall so no one would see on many an occasion.  \n\n\nThere are higher than expected rates of depression and anxiety disorders among grad students, too.\n\n\n\nIt was grad school, not me.",
      "author": "dontbothertoknock",
      "created": 1542460158,
      "upvotes": 17,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9voxdd": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9voxdd/",
      "text": "I cried a few times (per year, lol).  One of those times I was with my advisor, and he just kept pushing me and pushing me and pushing me.  I'm not very good at hiding my emotions, and I tend to cry easily when frustrated or angry, so I burst out crying.  He basically said \"Oh, shit.  Um, sorry, I didn't realize we were at that level of intensity.\" He actually back off for the remainder of my PhD (a few months), and was more reasonable.  EDIT: I think a lot of it depends on what your crying threshold is.  Some people only cry under extreme stress, whereas the crying barrier is much lower for other people (like me).  It's a physical manifestation of stress, and for one person crying is a signal that something terrible has happened, and for another it just means they are tired and drained.",
      "author": "jigglywigglywoobly",
      "created": 1542461256,
      "upvotes": 12,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9w4h0w": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w4h0w/",
      "text": "Everyone has different thresholds for crying. I cry all the time. The other day I cried at home because I was exhausted and my MATLAB code wouldn\u2019t run. It just happens to me. \n\nSo if someone asked me if it was normal, yeah, it is for me cause I\u2019m a crier. But every crying situation is different, too. Racking sobs in your advisor\u2019s office is a different ballgame entirely, for example. ",
      "author": "realcoolworld",
      "created": 1542472066,
      "upvotes": 10,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9viv1g": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9viv1g/",
      "text": "When I started, my supervisors told me I\u2019d have a couple of breakdowns per year, which as you can imagine was super helpful. \n\nId like to think that they were trying to be helpful by saying that PhDs are challenging and it\u2019s ok to admit that you\u2019re struggling. \n\nI get rid of emotion and stress by crying, so there have been times, particularly closer to my submission date where I bawled my eyes out. It helped me move on and refocus on the next day.\n\nGood luck! ",
      "author": "queenofthesea123",
      "created": 1542455863,
      "upvotes": 8,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vm0u0": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vm0u0/",
      "text": "If you're the sort that cries, perhaps. If you're the sort that vents frustration in other ways, expect those to increase.\n\nI think that a PhD program that doesn't increase frustration at all either happens to have a 100% employment pocket of the market, or is generally perpetuating a shared delusion for its students.",
      "author": "ph0rk",
      "created": 1542458998,
      "upvotes": 5,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vwrfm": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vwrfm/",
      "text": "Everyone in my lab cried at some point, both the MS and the PhD students. \n\nThere are often heartbreaking disappointments along the path of research. Imagine, you just spent six months trying to get an assay to work, and you finally decide that commercial antibodies just aren't going to work in your model, so you spend the $2k of your precious grant money to get a custom antibody made and spend a couple days doing a test IHC with the last of your test tissues. And it doesn't work, either. \n\nOr the cryostat compressor goes out when you're on a close deadline. \n\nOr you wrote your heart out on a grant you were really hoping would fund your beloved side project, and it doesn't get funded. \n\nOr you fail comps. \n\nThese are not major crises, really. They are all recoverable. But when you really put your heart into your work, they are frustrating setbacks, and they are the kind of setbacks that frequently result in crying in the lab or grad student office while your compatriots (if you have a good dynamic with them) gather around and comfort you. ",
      "author": "Weaselpanties",
      "created": 1542466637,
      "upvotes": 5,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vnkmj": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vnkmj/",
      "text": "Just letting you know.  It's also common to cry in the professional world.  But at least you get paid for it.",
      "author": "bitparity",
      "created": 1542460240,
      "upvotes": 11,
      "replies": {
        "e9vp3zx": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vp3zx/",
          "text": "I cried over much more trivial things when I was working outside academia! At least if I cried over my research it was because I cared. ",
          "author": "hangryforknowledge",
          "created": 1542461406,
          "upvotes": 3,
          "replies": {}
        }
      }
    },
    "e9vqqqs": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vqqqs/",
      "text": "I'm not really a crier but super passive aggressive PI made both me and another male PhD student cry on a few occasions. ",
      "author": "Spamicles",
      "created": 1542462618,
      "upvotes": 5,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vs2iq": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vs2iq/",
      "text": "I never cried but my PI is/was definitely toxic (writing my dissertation and she leaves the university at the end of the year). She plays out the cycle of abuse over and over again, which makes me believe she was a product of that environment. I think the closest times I ever blew up was when I found out she a) purposely kept me late to \u201cteach me and my wife how to deal with stress\u201d and b) threatened to kick me out of lab (screaming at me) a couple weeks ago (as I\u2019m about to get permission to write) because I used a box she didn\u2019t like to store stuff in our -80.",
      "author": "Kirkcharty",
      "created": 1542463618,
      "upvotes": 4,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vyk7r": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vyk7r/",
      "text": "I have cried on a few occasions.  Mostly out of frustration from things in the lab repeatedly just.not.working.  Ugh.  \n\nMost recently, trying to format my dissertation for the dissertation reader had me in tears, probably from a combo of frustration and exhaustion.  \n\nNo one has outright made me cry on purpose though.  ",
      "author": "TourmalineTart",
      "created": 1542467815,
      "upvotes": 4,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vcgmx": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vcgmx/",
      "text": "I never cried. ",
      "author": "runnergal45",
      "created": 1542446863,
      "upvotes": 9,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9veomf": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9veomf/",
      "text": "Got to the end. Did not cry. ",
      "author": "JEZTURNER",
      "created": 1542450498,
      "upvotes": 9,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vp26j": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vp26j/",
      "text": "I'm not a person who cries a lot. The only time I actually shed tears was just before my qualifying exams. I wasn't bawling, but just some stress tears of 'I don't know if I can do this.'  I did it, passed on first attempt. ",
      "author": "whosparentingwhom",
      "created": 1542461364,
      "upvotes": 3,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9w2pa3": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w2pa3/",
      "text": "Pretty common. It's more than fine to cry. Crying can be very helpful to process your emotions. But what is truly hard is to not let your failures in science be tied to your own self worth.",
      "author": null,
      "created": 1542470660,
      "upvotes": 3,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vyp6f": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vyp6f/",
      "text": "Never as a PhD student - I loved it.  Multiple times as post-doc and faculty though, so I think it's fairly normal, unfortunately.",
      "author": "hpsvanessa",
      "created": 1542467898,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vza7t": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vza7t/",
      "text": "It's common in my program, although I don't know how ours compares with the average. Most of my office mates have either cried or admitted to crying due to stress from classes, theses, advisor issues, the diss, etc. The only time I've cried so far because of my program (rather than outside factors like family issues) was during the weeks leading up to my comps exams - I just curled up on the floor and sobbed to my parents on the phone. I'd never felt so trapped. ",
      "author": "arianlyne",
      "created": 1542468255,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9w7ba8": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w7ba8/",
      "text": "I broke down when my professor said I wasn't productive in research while I was preparing for my PhD viva AND taking classes. Our program did the PhD viva prior to the defence semester, so I was almost done with my research. She wanted me to come up with a small project. Everyday, I was 9-8 at the library studying for my VIVA and when not, i was attending classes. I broke down telling her it just wasn't possible for me to fit in another project this semester. With a smirk, she said she will let the project go, but seems I am not a multitasker.",
      "author": "rafters08",
      "created": 1542474314,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9w9a0u": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w9a0u/",
      "text": "Are you the kind of person that cries?\n\nI cry all the time, so I absolutely cry in grad school... but not everyone is the type of person that cries regularly. \n\nI think folks in the latter end of the spectrum sometimes look at folks on the former end of the spectrum and think, \"Oh no, something very, very serious has happened!\" but that may or may not be reflective of that person's experiences. People have varying thresholds for crying. ",
      "author": "intangiblemango",
      "created": 1542475758,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9wcgvl": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9wcgvl/",
      "text": "I'm sorry if I'm being too 'social justice-y' here but I have to ask if you're female and they're treating you without due respect. I'm always suspicious of these things because it's so pervasive in our world. That may be what they were referring to instead of simply how challenging the program will be for you.",
      "author": "Hardcore90skid",
      "created": 1542477993,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9wfcs9": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9wfcs9/",
      "text": "A prof warning students that they will cry seems like a red flag, tbh.",
      "author": null,
      "created": 1542480067,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "ea3so9k": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/ea3so9k/",
      "text": "I did't cry my first 6 months. Then basically cried for three months straight, in the shower, in the office, in the bathroom, over skype, basically to anyone who would listen as a result of an extremely toxic advisor.\n\nI am in day 1 without the toxic advisor, and I know it will take time to rebuild my confidence, but I haven't cried yet today, so I take that as a big step.",
      "author": "tefferhead",
      "created": 1542727624,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9volif": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9volif/",
      "text": "I think every PhD student I\u2019ve known has cried at one point because of their PhD.",
      "author": "EmFan1999",
      "created": 1542461006,
      "upvotes": 2,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vohhm": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vohhm/",
      "text": "Depends. In the US there are definitely horrible, abusive supervisors. In europe you are somewhat protected by your university. But I did cry. And left my program... If you are abused by anyone who has power over you, leave ASAP. I did my PhD in the UK after I left the lab of my abusive boss and his even more abusive wife. But I will never get those three years back I was in their lab. \n\nEDIT> autocorrect needed some correction",
      "author": "rambo77",
      "created": 1542460918,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vuww2": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vuww2/",
      "text": "I cried a few times my first semester, but haven\u2019t since then. Was present in a classroom where another student cried, and I\u2019ve heard stories of other students crying in other classes.  \n\nJust know you\u2019re not alone in how you feel and reach out to other grad students as it can be isolating. ",
      "author": null,
      "created": 1542465512,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vz3no": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vz3no/",
      "text": "Oh god, yes. ",
      "author": "cebeeeee",
      "created": 1542468144,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9w1soy": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w1soy/",
      "text": "I think there is definitely an adjustment you must make when you start a PhD program. I found that while my program wasn\u2019t overly hostile or harsh, I was not equipped for the feedback I would sometimes get on my work. I also found it sometimes difficult to manage the workload. So when I cried in graduate school it was usually stress-related or over struggles with imposter syndrome. \n\nAs others have mentioned, graduate school experiences vary quite a bit by discipline, department/program dynamics, and individual differences in stress management. \n\nIt\u2019s important that if you ever feel overwhelmed or find yourself constantly on the verge of tears, you access mental health services available in your campus. Graduate school has a way of exacerbating underlying anxiety disorders or creating new ones. \n\n",
      "author": "skulnoy",
      "created": 1542469960,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9w3p1p": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w3p1p/",
      "text": "A lot of people, including myself, have cried out of desperation or isolation. But this need not be the case. If you understand that grades don't matter, that is oh ok to try and fail, and you make friends and laugh it can be an enjoyable experience.",
      "author": "paco9208",
      "created": 1542471430,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9weqq7": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9weqq7/",
      "text": "I haven't cried about my PhD (yet - just starting my dissertation so I'm not ruling it out) but I've definitely cried at my job (I work full-time, school part-time). And at least a half dozen of my coworkers have cried in my office. It doesn't necessarily mean it's toxic or traumatizing, though my job is definitely high-stress at times, and prone to some dysfunction at others.\n\nI wouldn't worry too much about what your professor said - yes, it will probably be stressful and frustrating at times, and if you're the kind of person who cries in those situations, you will probably cry.\n\nNow, as /u/Impune said, if this is at the level of complete meltdowns, that is a lot more concerning.",
      "author": "Zoethor2",
      "created": 1542479607,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9wm506": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9wm506/",
      "text": "I never cried.  I know people who did.",
      "author": "TADodger",
      "created": 1542484297,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9wnijp": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9wnijp/",
      "text": "You very well may cry. \n\nIf your advisor drives you to break down in tears on a regular basis, however, something might be wrong. ",
      "author": "Pesky_Gibbon",
      "created": 1542485105,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9x025z": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9x025z/",
      "text": "I never did. \u00af\\_(\u30c4)_/\u00af ",
      "author": "rhetoricetc",
      "created": 1542493306,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9x1jku": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9x1jku/",
      "text": "I didn\u2019t cry much but I was borderline depressed all of my second year. \n\nIt was worth it and I look back fondly on my graduate experience. I also am very proud of my PhD. \n\nStay strong OP. ",
      "author": "leestitzel",
      "created": 1542494475,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "ea0kbsg": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/ea0kbsg/",
      "text": "Awww thanks!!!! Almost missed it!",
      "author": "letsgogaels",
      "created": 1542600237,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "eaf2bk8": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/eaf2bk8/",
      "text": "I cried when I witnessed someone else fail a major exam after I knew how hard they worked for it",
      "author": "3speedmufasa",
      "created": 1543133581,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "eba5dg0": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/eba5dg0/",
      "text": "I have cried a couple times during my first year and a half of my PhD program so far. But there\u2019s only time that really stands out. I got home at like midnight and got into bed so exhausted. I told my partner that I wasn\u2019t sad, I just really needed to cry. And I did, a lot. \n\nI wouldn\u2019t say that grad school is overwhelmingly challenging. It\u2019s more that, especially in your first two years before your Qualifying Exams, it\u2019s a constant slough of work. Coursework, research, seminars, journal club, meetings, outreach/involvement so you can get grants, etc.\n\nThat said, I mentioned in passing to my PI that my first year was challenging and that I hadn\u2019t cried in my second year, he seemed genuinely concerned that the first year made me cry. So at least in my program, it\u2019s not designed to traumatize you. ",
      "author": "frausting",
      "created": 1544182011,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vqfv6": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vqfv6/",
      "text": "Yes",
      "author": "hbhawkmoth",
      "created": 1542462393,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9w0z08": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9w0z08/",
      "text": "While not everyone does it, many people do. I certainly did. When I cried in my advisor's office, she gave me tissues, saying she sometimes needed them too.",
      "author": "flipester",
      "created": 1542469346,
      "upvotes": 1,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vjb2c": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vjb2c/",
      "text": "Oh yes.  Lots of tears in my PhD program.  Now an assistant professor, and I expect my students to cry at times.",
      "author": "bebefinale",
      "created": 1542456327,
      "upvotes": 0,
      "replies": {
        "ea3siga": {
          "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/ea3siga/",
          "text": "That is... not nice.",
          "author": "tefferhead",
          "created": 1542727492,
          "upvotes": 1,
          "replies": {
            "ea3tysq": {
              "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/ea3tysq/",
              "text": "Not because I\u2019m making them cry, just because graduate school is an emotionally trying time due to both the nature of graduate school and your 20s being a time of life when you are sorting your shit out.  Having human emotions isn\u2019t something they need to hide from me.",
              "author": "bebefinale",
              "created": 1542728682,
              "upvotes": 1,
              "replies": {}
            }
          }
        }
      }
    },
    "e9vj7q4": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vj7q4/",
      "text": "I've heard about that but never actually witnessed it. The ingredients are there, though. Some places have toxic climates and professors which are shitty managers. Some people take things very emotionally.",
      "author": "RRautamaa",
      "created": 1542456229,
      "upvotes": 0,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vzbt1": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vzbt1/",
      "text": "I did, even though my boss was very supportive and never tried to personally attack me (that isn't the same as never criticizing). It depends on who you are, how you handle failure, and how you handle stress. You will inevitably fail at things, and if you internalize that it can lead to crying, but that's also a generally unhealthy attitude that you should try to avoid developing.\n\nIf your PI is telling you this off the bat, I wouldn't call it a red flag necessarily, because it depends on how they mean it. It's definitely a pretty bright shade of orange, though. Have you asked any of their other students/research group members about it?",
      "author": "tangentc",
      "created": 1542468283,
      "upvotes": 0,
      "replies": {}
    },
    "e9vnapk": {
      "link": "/r/AskAcademia/comments/9xuh17/is_it_common_to_cry_in_phd_programs/e9vnapk/",
      "text": "He probably just wants to scare off students who are less committed. \n\nI mean, it does happen, but it's not normal. You will have things just not work and feel like you wasted 3 months. But no reason to be so stressed about it you cry. It happens. Just learn form it.",
      "author": "Average650",
      "created": 1542460026,
      "upvotes": -1,
      "replies": {}
    }
  }
}