2023-04-28 - Unsolicited Advice - Chewing the Fat 📈

[lukecookssw]

Hi Team,

Let's talk about this rule

[kikibianc]

When someone that accepts all feedback as constructive gives them, they expect the other to accept the feedback as constructive as well, too. That is definitely not the case almost all the time - giving constructive feedback must have a time and place, as per the rule :)

[sethdaily]

I found the video well-made, but I was so-so on the content.
The video has 2 contradicting theories – Goldie and Uly’s take which is that feedback should always be calculated and delivered in a polite and appropriate manner, and Adam’s take which is that feedback should always be free flowing and it matters less how the feedback is delivered. Since the video provides both viewpoints it might be an effective way for people to reflect on themselves and how they prefer giving and receiving feedback. However, having both takes in the same video means the viewer does not get left with a clear message. I felt that there were two conflicting lessons to be learned.

In theory, I agree with Adam. The more feedback flows, the more we can all improve.
In practice, this is not how humans work. Many people do not put their ego to the side when receiving criticism, and it affects both the reception of the feedback and the working relationship between them and the other person. This can be counterproductive in the long run.

[jernejk]

The video was skillfully crafted and delves into a crucial issue that isn't easily tackled or resolved.

TL;DR: Trust and consideration are vital. Limiting ourselves to thinking "It's only me who needs to adapt" or "It's only them that needs to adapt" is fundamentally flawed. We all need to find a balance. 😊

The extended version:
I believe the responsibility of making perfect decisions shouldn't rest solely on one party, whether it's the extreme ends of the spectrum like "The d*%k" or "The snowflake." The most effective solution usually lies somewhere in the middle.

For example, providing feedback to someone who can't act on it isn't constructive. It's essential to gauge whether certain feedback would be beneficial for them. You wouldn't tell a person with a broken leg to walk faster, just to illustrate. However, at times, people need to hear honest (and tactful) feedback, even if it might be harsh or momentarily hurtful. (There's no perfect way to deliver bad news, but there are countless terrible ways)

On the other hand, having no filter is undoubtedly a poor approach. A few years ago in Brisbane, there was someone who gave genuinely valuable feedback but with little regard for delivery. Many found it off-putting, even though they learned a lot once they set their emotions aside. Importantly, the feedback wasn't rooted in malice or ignorance.

Unsolicited feedback stemming from ignorance, dishonesty, deception, or malice is highly problematic. People who have dealt with such individuals tend to become more guarded, making it understandable why they would hesitate to accept feedback. Being on the receiving end for a long time can lead to the automatic raising of mental shields against any kind of feedback, even when well-intended.

[2fernandez]

[calumjs]

Great topic. Although I disagree with most of the rule it was a nice thought provoking experience.

I think unsolicited feedback from complete strangers can be more useful than that coming through "appropriate channels". I don't think it's a good idea to self-disqualify just because you don't know the person you are giving feedback to. Sure, it could also be terrible useless feedback, but it's very easy to disregard in this case.

I also think that keeping any unsolicited feedback to myself if it doesn't benefit me is a bad idea. If you see someone making a mistake, or doing something in a sub optimal way, why not help them out? I would like to think someone else would do that for me.

I do agree that it's a good idea to not be a dick, to phrase your feedback appropriately, to give constructive feedback, but I think these are just the base rules to better social interactions and should not result in withholding feedback.

Ultimately I think the rule should be changed from giving unsolicited feedback to receiving unsolicited feedback. Because this is where the "feedback filter" should be. Include tips like - Don't take it personally. Understand you can't please everyone all the time. Know that unsolicited feedback is just someone's opinion (and therefore can be wrong). Pay attention to useful feedback and ignore useless feedback. Enjoy the benefits of a culture of open and honest feedback. Etc

[leehawkinsssw]

SSW has an astonishingly strong feedback culture, I suspect driven from the top 🎩(i.e. Adam). I found this confronting when I joined the company and some aspects of this culture still feel like they go too far to me. As an example, running the retro immediately after a presenter finishes up a presentation honestly makes me highly reluctant to ever participate, as I know this is the time I'd be least ready to take on feedback.

With this in mind, the rule is really important and I thank Matt G for his considerate approach and the worthy suggestions in it.✅

My 3-part reminder when considering giving (especially unsolicited) feedback is the classic "Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?". I've found this reminder valuable in helping me to take pause ⏸️and then often reframing my feedback or simply not sharing it.

[leahy268]

Personally I love receiving feedback and I'm happy to give feedback as well. Unfortunately I know some people don't like feedback and although I could paraphrase Calum and tell them to take 2 teaspoons of cement that isn't really helpful to them.

Therefore on the whole I agree with just remembering to ask those questions to yourself. Personally I would never comment on what someone was wearing unless it was a compliment as quite frankly I don't care what someone looks like. I only care how they treat me. However asking "is my feedback helpful" and "am I the right person to give that feedback" is a very good start.

[ozdemir-mehmet]

Giving unsolicited feedback can be risky and potentially harmful to relationships, but if done tactfully and constructively, it can be helpful.

• Unsolicited feedback can be perceived as criticism or control and may harm relationships.
• Feedback given without full understanding of the context and goals may be inaccurate or unhelpful.
• Constructive and supportive feedback, given with sensitivity and tact, can be beneficial.
• Starting with a positive comment or compliment can make the recipient more receptive to feedback.
• Being willing to listen to the recipient's perspective can help build trust and strengthen the relationship.

[JeanThirion]

ChatGPT detected

[bradystroud]

The envelope a letter comes in doesn't define its content.
Badly delivered feedback should not be disregarded

[MarcusIrmscherSSW]

Great Chewing the Fat,

Unsolicited feedback can be both helpful and harmful, depending on how it is delivered. It pays to consider the time and place that you give that feedback, it may go a long way as to how its received.

[vladislav-kir]

Despite video being quite lengthy, in my opinion, it is well made and is watched in one breath.

I agree with Goldie's points, that feedback must be delivered carefully for the best results.

[drwharris]

We should always strive to communicate well, however we should always strive to find the message in what is being communicated to us.

[AlexRothwell]

I agree with a lot of what the rule and video lays out however I think it is very important to check whether the recipient is okay to receive the feedback now. If for instance they've been having a bad day, the feedback may not be taken well and just contribute to making their day worse. In this case, it'd be unlikely to be actioned and may impact on your relationship with the person.

That's not to say that you should never give the feedback if the recipient isn't okay for it to be given at the time, just check in again later when they may be in a more receptive mood

[jakebayliss]

Do I need to say this?
Disagree - I don't think how well you know someone should determine whether or not you give them feedback. If a new starter came in and I don't know them well, I will still give them some feedback. I think it is always okay to give as long as it is respectful.

Do I need to say this?
Disagree - If I was doing something wrong or there was something I could do better I would want to know about it. Again, it should remain respectful.

Do I need to say this?
Agree - 100% agree with this. It is always going to be the words used that matter most. However, I disagree with the example used, "I don't like your haircut" is not feedback. That is an opinion and telling someone that is just rude.

I think as long as the feedback isn't rude/disrespectful then it should be okay - especially given SSW's feedback culture

[camillars]

When it comes to giving feedback, I believe we should be mindful and take care to consider the situation. It's important to keep in mind that the person giving feedback may not always have the full picture or all the details. We need to be careful about this because otherwise, the feedback may end up doing more harm than good. Nobody wants to feel like their skills or knowledge are being questioned, right? So let's try to approach feedback with empathy and understanding. ✌️

[AnkyChe]

Great video, the format made me feel very comfortable.
The rules offers 3 practical ways to decide whether to offer unsocited advice or not. However, it's still hard to decide whether it's approriate and their might be a chance that people choose not to give advice even if it's a good one.

[sylhuang]

Can't tell if I'm actually for or against the rules, but I think if something is so important to me that I have to give feedback, there is no appropriate other channel but me myself to address this. If something is not as important to me (if I don't even care if the feedback is taken) or me giving feedback will not result in a change, then there is no need to give this feedback at all.

[tino-liu]

Great video!
I've found that asking the right questions in the right context can be an easier way to provide feedback. When we point out someone's mistake in a direct manner, it can feel like a sword pointed at them, making them raise their defenses. Feedback, however, is meant to be a conversation that provides guidance. By approaching it as a conversation, we can ease into giving feedback and help others grow.

[ozairashfaqueSSW]

Feedback is important but delivery of it is more important.

[johnxu16]

Good video and insightful content!

It is common that I feel inappropriate to leave advice so in most cases I would save it in my mind.
Could we have a video instructing us how to offend others or make standpoints much more confirmative?

FYI, Is it designed on purpose that Uly and Matt looked blurry at the first scene they showed up?
https://youtu.be/dLgsQvvYqSQ?t=20

[Abf09]

The video kept my interest, Good job SSWTV
I consider this as a very important rule, specially it should only be on need to be basis and not intend to offend anyone

[PothieuG]

Interesting topic! Thanks for the video :)

As a junior developer, I often struggle to feel legitimate in my feedbacks. Maybe I feel like I don't have enough experience to give useful feedback. But I think it gets better with time.
So I wonder: even if a feedback isn't very useful (due to lack of experience), is it still a good feedback?

[zl24622]

Love this week's CTF:

• Rule is simple and clear.
• Valuable advices.
• Video's timing is good length (not too long) and Matt G presented very nicely.

"The Honesty Myth" is a good insight to me. Agree with all of the 3 points. Not exactly follow them, sometimes they may be broken due to the actual context. But generally they are good guidances for me to consider when providing feedbacks.

[Freego1783]

Important topic!

I think the most important aspect of this is the delivery of the feedback. Doing your best not to offend anyone can go a long way. Also the timing can be crucial. Knowing the right time to deliver feedback can be a strong skill to have.

[rubycogan]

A lot of the time, someone can offer useful feedback because of their unique position/perspective. Therefore if this rule was implemented 100%, only people in positions of power may feel comfortable providing feedback when they are the least affected by said situation or don't have the full picture. If several people gave feedback on a situation from their various perspectives, the feedback would be much more effective...

[matt-goldman]

It's really interesting reading through these responses. It's particularly interesting to see how the distinction is being blurred between how to deliver feedback and how to receive feedback.

It's absolutely critical to not take things personally, and consider and take on board the feedback offered to you by anyone, under any circumstances. But that's not the point of this video and rule.

While I agree that everyone should be able to handle criticism and take feedback, and ignore the delivery (@bradystroud put it really well), the same can be true of driving through traffic lights. The cars perpendicular to me should stop if they have a red light, but that doesn't mean I'm going to drive through without looking.

If the feedback you want to give someone is important to you, then it makes sense for you to ensure you deliver it in a way that is going to be effective. It's your responsibility to take feedback well, but you can't control how other people are going to respond to feedback. They should be mature enough to take the feedback objectively and not respond emotionally to it. But that's not how human beings work. Sure, you can absolutely offer unfiltered and free-flowing feedback, and think of it like a UDP packet: once it's out there, it's the recipients responsibility to pick it up. But if it's important to you, if you care about the recipient taking it on board, then putting some effort into the delivery is going to benefit you.

[calumjs]

If the feedback you want to give someone is important to you, then it makes sense for you to ensure you deliver it in a way that is going to be effective.

But if it's important to you, if you care about the recipient taking it on board, then putting some effort into the delivery is going to benefit you.

Agreed - that's why I disagree with the portions of the rule suggesting that unsolicited feedback is "more often than not, best to keep to yourself".
I think keeping it to yourself would only make sense if it is not important to you (in which case it's less feedback and more opinion/commentary).

[matt-goldman]

That's a great point. Perhaps I should update the rule to provide guidance on the difference between opinions and feedback.

[TobyChurches]

I personally believe that feedback is always important, But I definitely agree that it needs to be provided in a polite and constructive manner (and in the right environment) 😁

[JackDuan123]

I love this week's topic!!!!!!!!

I played a lot of rank games and basketball games when I was a teenager and now!!

I hate to lose a lot, I hate it! So if someone give me some feedbacks on my game I would appreciate a lot, and it did helped me improved a lot! Especially on basketball. With the beliefs of feedback or suggestions, I gave feedback or suggestions to all my teammates, but you know what? Many people just hate it!!!!

Even when I play now, sometimes I played with a teen player and I usually beat their **** out, when I say you need to use your left hand more, some teenagers love my suggestions but some felt humiliated and told me their "main sport" is football, I felt lucky that they are not boxers.

So it all depends on the person, if someone is passionate about what he or she do, he or she will be very happy to recieve advices

Last but not the least!!!
The way you talk really matters!!!! sometimes the way you talk is more important than the contents of the dialogue!!

[SofieHong]

Value for this topic: 5/5 🌟

• Better communication skill
• This applies to many scenarios

I totally agree with the keen relationship between feedback and progress. The most powerful catalyst for the relationship between these two is a friendly and mutually beneficial communication style.

When giving feedback, it's important to ask yourself a few questions beforehand and phrase things correctly. This can greatly enhance the effectiveness and impact of your feedback. <as per rule: https://ssw.com.au/rules/unsolicited-feedback/> 😜

[BrookJeynes]

I agree with provided insightful criticism and feedback if it's for the reason of growth and not just to be mean about it