diff --git a/package-lock.json b/package-lock.json
index 22d8478..cc92ea6 100644
--- a/package-lock.json
+++ b/package-lock.json
@@ -10,7 +10,6 @@
       "dependencies": {
         "@18f/us-federal-holidays": "^4.0.0",
         "@slack/bolt": "^4.1.0",
-        "axios": "^1.7.7",
         "cfenv": "^1.2.3",
         "cheerio": "^1.0.0-rc.12",
         "csv-parse": "^5.0.4",
@@ -1707,6 +1706,7 @@
       "version": "1.7.7",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/axios/-/axios-1.7.7.tgz",
       "integrity": "sha512-S4kL7XrjgBmvdGut0sN3yJxqYzrDOnivkBiN0OFs6hLiUam3UPvswUo0kqGyhqUZGEOytHyumEdXsAkgCOUf3Q==",
+      "license": "MIT",
       "dependencies": {
         "follow-redirects": "^1.15.6",
         "form-data": "^4.0.0",
diff --git a/package.json b/package.json
index 279255d..1a61d74 100644
--- a/package.json
+++ b/package.json
@@ -14,7 +14,6 @@
   "dependencies": {
     "@18f/us-federal-holidays": "^4.0.0",
     "@slack/bolt": "^4.1.0",
-    "axios": "^1.7.7",
     "cfenv": "^1.2.3",
     "cheerio": "^1.0.0-rc.12",
     "csv-parse": "^5.0.4",
diff --git a/src/scripts/define.js b/src/scripts/define.js
index cc07b2f..225a582 100644
--- a/src/scripts/define.js
+++ b/src/scripts/define.js
@@ -12,7 +12,6 @@
 //   @bot define contracting officer
 
 const { directMention } = require("@slack/bolt");
-const axios = require("axios");
 const he = require("he");
 const yaml = require("js-yaml");
 const {
@@ -114,9 +113,9 @@ module.exports = (app) => {
 
       // Cache the glossary for 1 minute
       const glossary = await cache("glossary get", 60, async () => {
-        const { data } = await axios.get(
+        const data = await fetch(
           "https://raw.githubusercontent.com/18F/the-glossary/main/glossary.yml",
-        );
+        ).then((r) => r.text());
 
         return yaml.load(data, { json: true }).entries;
       });
diff --git a/src/scripts/define.test.js b/src/scripts/define.test.js
index d1f7435..243a3da 100644
--- a/src/scripts/define.test.js
+++ b/src/scripts/define.test.js
@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
 const {
-  axios,
   getApp,
   utils: { cache },
 } = require("../utils/test");
@@ -228,8 +227,11 @@ describe("glossary", () => {
 
       const fetcher = cache.mock.calls[0].pop();
 
-      axios.get.mockResolvedValue({
-        data: `
+      fetch.mockResolvedValue({
+        // The data being pulled across the network is expected to be YAML, so
+        // we need to be sure we format it correctly here. Hence the funky-looking
+        // string.
+        text: async () => `
 entries:
   term 1: ATO
   term 2:
diff --git a/src/scripts/dot-gov.js b/src/scripts/dot-gov.js
index 624425e..47f82be 100644
--- a/src/scripts/dot-gov.js
+++ b/src/scripts/dot-gov.js
@@ -35,7 +35,6 @@
  */
 
 const { directMention } = require("@slack/bolt");
-const axios = require("axios");
 const https = require("https");
 
 /* eslint-disable import/no-unresolved */
@@ -91,10 +90,10 @@ const DOMAIN_TYPES = {
 
 /** Current list of fields available in the CSV file. */
 const DATA_FIELDS = {
-  NAME: "Domain Name",
-  TYPE: "Domain Type",
+  NAME: "Domain name",
+  TYPE: "Domain type",
   AGENCY: "Agency",
-  ORG: "Organization",
+  ORG: "Organization name",
   CITY: "City",
   STATE: "State",
 };
@@ -186,15 +185,13 @@ const selectDomainsAtRandom = (domainsArr, numToSelect) => {
  * Returns a human-readable response status.
  */
 const checkDomainStatus = async (domainObj, timeout = 2000) =>
-  axios
-    .head(`https://${domainObj[DATA_FIELDS.NAME]}`, {
-      timeout,
-      httpsAgent: new https.Agent({
-        rejectUnauthorized: false,
-      }),
-    })
+  fetch(`https://${domainObj[DATA_FIELDS.NAME]}`, {
+    method: "HEAD",
+    agent: new https.Agent({ rejectUnauthorized: false }),
+    signal: AbortSignal.timeout(timeout),
+  })
     .then((response) => {
-      if (response && response.status) {
+      if (response?.ok && response.status) {
         return response.statusText;
       }
       return "Unknown Status";
@@ -203,7 +200,7 @@ const checkDomainStatus = async (domainObj, timeout = 2000) =>
       if (error.response) {
         return error.response.statusText;
       }
-      if (error.code === "CERT_HAS_EXPIRED") {
+      if (error.cause?.code === "CERT_HAS_EXPIRED") {
         return "Cert Expired";
       }
       return "Unknown Status";
@@ -240,14 +237,9 @@ module.exports = (app) => {
   module.exports.dotGov = async ({ entity, searchTerm, say, thread }) => {
     // fetch the domain list
     const domains = await cache("dotgov domains", 1440, async () =>
-      axios
-        .get(CISA_DOTGOV_DATA_URL)
-        .then((response) => {
-          if (response && response.data) {
-            return parse(response.data, { columns: true });
-          }
-          return [];
-        })
+      fetch(CISA_DOTGOV_DATA_URL)
+        .then((response) => response.text())
+        .then((data) => parse(data, { columns: true }))
         .catch(() => []),
     );
 
diff --git a/src/scripts/dot-gov.test.js b/src/scripts/dot-gov.test.js
index 1d5d9c7..01d0f42 100644
--- a/src/scripts/dot-gov.test.js
+++ b/src/scripts/dot-gov.test.js
@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
 const {
-  axios,
   getApp,
   utils: { cache },
 } = require("../utils/test");
@@ -12,81 +11,81 @@ describe("dot-gov domains", () => {
     {
       Agency: "Non-Federal Agency",
       City: "Albany",
-      "Domain Name": "ALBANYCA.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "City",
-      Organization: "City of Albany",
+      "Domain name": "ALBANYCA.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "City",
+      "Organization name": "City of Albany",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "CA",
     },
     {
       Agency: "Non-Federal Agency",
       City: "Belle Plaine",
-      "Domain Name": "BELLEPLAINEIOWA.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "City",
-      Organization: "City of Belle Plaine",
+      "Domain name": "BELLEPLAINEIOWA.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "City",
+      "Organization name": "City of Belle Plaine",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "IA",
     },
     {
       Agency: "U.S. Department of Agriculture",
       City: "Washington",
-      "Domain Name": "RURAL.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "Federal - Executive",
-      Organization: "Rural Development",
+      "Domain name": "RURAL.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "Federal - Executive",
+      "Organization name": "Rural Development",
       "Security Contact Email": "cyber.(blank)",
       State: "DC",
     },
     {
       Agency: "The Supreme Court",
       City: "Washington",
-      "Domain Name": "SUPREMECOURTUS.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "Federal - Judicial",
-      Organization: "Supreme Court of the United Statest",
+      "Domain name": "SUPREMECOURTUS.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "Federal - Judicial",
+      "Organization name": "Supreme Court of the United Statest",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "DC",
     },
     {
       Agency: "Government Publishing Office",
       City: "Washington",
-      "Domain Name": "USCODE.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "Federal - Legislative",
-      Organization: "United States Government Publishing Office",
+      "Domain name": "USCODE.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "Federal - Legislative",
+      "Organization name": "United States Government Publishing Office",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "DC",
     },
     {
       Agency: "Non-Federal Agency",
       City: "Arizona City",
-      "Domain Name": "ACSD-AZ.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "Independent Intrastate",
-      Organization: "Arizona City Sanitary District ",
+      "Domain name": "ACSD-AZ.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "Independent Intrastate",
+      "Organization name": "Arizona City Sanitary District ",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "AZ",
     },
     {
       Agency: "Non-Federal Agency",
       City: "Mechanicsburg",
-      "Domain Name": "EMSCOMPACT.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "Interstate",
-      Organization: "Interstate Commission for EMS Personnel Practice",
+      "Domain name": "EMSCOMPACT.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "Interstate",
+      "Organization name": "Interstate Commission for EMS Personnel Practice",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "PA",
     },
     {
       Agency: "Non-Federal Agency",
       City: "St Croix",
-      "Domain Name": "VIVOTE.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "State",
-      Organization: "Election System of the Virgin Islands",
+      "Domain name": "VIVOTE.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "State",
+      "Organization name": "Election System of the Virgin Islands",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "VI",
     },
     {
       Agency: "Non-Federal Agency",
       City: "Ada",
-      "Domain Name": "CHICKASAW-NSN.GOV",
-      "Domain Type": "Tribal",
-      Organization: "the Chickasaw Nation",
+      "Domain name": "CHICKASAW-NSN.GOV",
+      "Domain type": "Tribal",
+      "Organization name": "the Chickasaw Nation",
       "Security Contact Email": "(blank)",
       State: "OK",
     },
@@ -99,10 +98,16 @@ describe("dot-gov domains", () => {
     username: ".Gov",
   };
 
+  const fetchResponse = {
+    json: jest.fn(),
+    text: jest.fn(),
+  };
+
   beforeAll(() => {});
 
   beforeEach(() => {
     jest.resetAllMocks();
+    fetch.mockResolvedValue(fetchResponse);
   });
 
   afterAll(() => {});
@@ -138,38 +143,39 @@ describe("dot-gov domains", () => {
     });
 
     describe("gets domains from github if the cache is expired or whatever", () => {
-      let fetch;
+      let fetcher;
+
       beforeEach(async () => {
         cache.mockResolvedValue([]);
         await handler(message);
-        fetch = cache.mock.calls[0][2];
+        fetcher = cache.mock.calls[0][2];
       });
 
       it("if the API throws an error", async () => {
-        axios.get.mockRejectedValue("error");
-        const out = await fetch();
+        fetch.mockRejectedValue("error");
+        const out = await fetcher();
 
         expect(out).toEqual([]);
       });
 
       it("if the API returns a malformed object", async () => {
-        axios.get.mockResolvedValue({ data: { data_is_missing: [] } });
-        const out = await fetch();
+        fetchResponse.json.mockResolvedValue({ data: { data_is_missing: [] } });
+        const out = await fetcher();
 
         expect(out).toEqual([]);
       });
 
       it("if the API doesn't return any domains", async () => {
-        axios.get.mockResolvedValue({ data: { data: [] } });
-        const out = await fetch();
+        fetchResponse.json.mockResolvedValue({ data: { data: [] } });
+        const out = await fetcher();
 
         expect(out).toEqual([]);
       });
 
       it("if the API does return some domains", async () => {
-        axios.get.mockResolvedValue({
-          data: [
-            "Domain Name,Domain Type,Agency,Organization,City,State,Security Contact Email",
+        fetchResponse.text.mockResolvedValue(
+          [
+            "Domain name,Domain type,Agency,Organization name,City,State,Security Contact Email",
             "ALBANYCA.GOV,City,Non-Federal Agency,City of Albany,Albany,CA,(blank)",
             "BELLEPLAINEIOWA.GOV,City,Non-Federal Agency,City of Belle Plaine,Belle Plaine,IA,(blank)",
             "RURAL.GOV,Federal - Executive,U.S. Department of Agriculture,Rural Development,Washington,DC,cyber.(blank)",
@@ -180,18 +186,14 @@ describe("dot-gov domains", () => {
             "VIVOTE.GOV,State,Non-Federal Agency,Election System of the Virgin Islands,St Croix,VI,(blank)",
             "CHICKASAW-NSN.GOV,Tribal,Non-Federal Agency,the Chickasaw Nation,Ada,OK,(blank)",
           ].join("\n"),
-        });
-        const out = await fetch();
+        );
+        const out = await fetcher();
 
         expect(out).toEqual(mockCache);
       });
     });
 
     describe("responds with a domain", () => {
-      beforeEach(() => {
-        axios.head.mockImplementation(() => Promise.resolve("Ok"));
-      });
-
       it("unless there aren't any domains", async () => {
         cache.mockResolvedValue([]);
         await handler(message);
@@ -216,7 +218,7 @@ describe("dot-gov domains", () => {
       });
 
       it("even if checking the status of the domain fails", async () => {
-        axios.head.mockImplementation(() => Promise.reject(new Error()));
+        fetch.mockRejectedValue(new Error());
         cache.mockResolvedValue(mockCache);
         await handler(message);
 
@@ -281,10 +283,6 @@ describe("dot-gov domains", () => {
     const message = { message: { thread_ts: "thread id" }, say: jest.fn() };
 
     describe("responds with results", () => {
-      beforeEach(() => {
-        axios.head.mockImplementation(() => Promise.resolve("Ok"));
-      });
-
       it("if there aren't any results", async () => {
         cache.mockResolvedValue(mockCache);
         message.context = {
@@ -341,9 +339,6 @@ describe("dot-gov domains", () => {
       });
     });
     describe("filters correctly by entity", () => {
-      beforeEach(() => {
-        axios.head.mockImplementation(() => Promise.resolve("Ok"));
-      });
       it("if entity is executive", async () => {
         cache.mockResolvedValue(mockCache);
         message.context = {
diff --git a/src/scripts/handbook.js b/src/scripts/handbook.js
index 24109b6..e6958b0 100644
--- a/src/scripts/handbook.js
+++ b/src/scripts/handbook.js
@@ -1,4 +1,3 @@
-const axios = require("axios");
 const {
   helpMessage,
   slack: { postEphemeralResponse },
@@ -42,19 +41,21 @@ module.exports = (app) => {
 
     const {
       context: {
-        matches: [, , search],
+        matches: [, search],
       },
       event: { thread_ts: thread, ts },
       say,
     } = msg;
 
+    console.log(msg.context.matches);
+
     const searchString = search
-      .replace(/[”“]/g, '"') // replace smart quotes
-      .replace(/[’‘]/g, "'"); // more smart quotes
+      ?.replace(/[”“]/g, '"') // replace smart quotes
+      ?.replace(/[’‘]/g, "'"); // more smart quotes
     const url = `${baseUrl}${encodeURIComponent(searchString)}`;
 
     try {
-      const { data } = await axios.get(url);
+      const data = await fetch(url).then((r) => r.json());
       const results = data.results.slice(0, 3);
 
       if (results.length === 0) {
diff --git a/src/scripts/handbook.test.js b/src/scripts/handbook.test.js
index dfbef68..45c2b64 100644
--- a/src/scripts/handbook.test.js
+++ b/src/scripts/handbook.test.js
@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
 const {
-  axios,
   getApp,
   utils: {
     slack: { postEphemeralResponse },
@@ -10,8 +9,13 @@ const handbook = require("./handbook");
 describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
   const app = getApp();
 
+  const fetchResponse = {
+    json: jest.fn(),
+  };
+
   beforeEach(() => {
     jest.resetAllMocks();
+    fetch.mockResolvedValue(fetchResponse);
   });
 
   it("subscribes to the right message", () => {
@@ -24,7 +28,7 @@ describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
 
   describe("it handles bot triggers", () => {
     const message = {
-      context: { matches: [null, null, "search string"] },
+      context: { matches: [null, "search string"] },
       event: { thread_ts: undefined, ts: 150 },
       say: jest.fn(),
     };
@@ -34,11 +38,11 @@ describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
       handbook(app);
       handler = app.getHandler();
 
-      message.context.matches[2] = "search string";
+      message.context.matches[1] = "search string";
     });
 
     it("gracefully responds if there is an error", async () => {
-      axios.get.mockRejectedValue();
+      fetch.mockRejectedValue();
       await handler(message);
 
       expect(postEphemeralResponse).toHaveBeenCalledWith(message, {
@@ -49,10 +53,10 @@ describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
     });
 
     it("converts characters accordingly before putting them in the search URL", async () => {
-      message.context.matches[2] = "”some ’search‘ goes here“";
+      message.context.matches[1] = "”some ’search‘ goes here“";
       await handler(message);
 
-      expect(axios.get).toHaveBeenCalledWith(
+      expect(fetch).toHaveBeenCalledWith(
         "https://search.usa.gov/search/?utf8=no&affiliate=tts-handbook&format=json&query=%22some%20'search'%20goes%20here%22",
       );
     });
@@ -64,7 +68,7 @@ describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
         });
 
         it("and there are no search results", async () => {
-          axios.get.mockResolvedValue({ data: { results: [] } });
+          fetchResponse.json.mockResolvedValue({ results: [] });
           await handler(message);
 
           expect(message.say).toHaveBeenCalledWith({
@@ -76,16 +80,14 @@ describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
         });
 
         it("and there are some results", async () => {
-          axios.get.mockResolvedValue({
-            data: {
-              results: [
-                { body: "this is result #1", link: "link1", title: "result 1" },
-                { body: "this is result #2", link: "link2", title: "result 2" },
-                { body: "this is result #3", link: "link3", title: "result 3" },
-                { body: "this is result #4", link: "link4", title: "result 4" },
-                { body: "this is result #5", link: "link5", title: "result 5" },
-              ],
-            },
+          fetchResponse.json.mockResolvedValue({
+            results: [
+              { body: "this is result #1", link: "link1", title: "result 1" },
+              { body: "this is result #2", link: "link2", title: "result 2" },
+              { body: "this is result #3", link: "link3", title: "result 3" },
+              { body: "this is result #4", link: "link4", title: "result 4" },
+              { body: "this is result #5", link: "link5", title: "result 5" },
+            ],
           });
           await handler(message);
 
@@ -148,7 +150,7 @@ describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
         });
 
         it("and there are no search results", async () => {
-          axios.get.mockResolvedValue({ data: { results: [] } });
+          fetchResponse.json.mockResolvedValue({ results: [] });
           await handler(message);
 
           expect(message.say).toHaveBeenCalledWith({
@@ -160,16 +162,14 @@ describe("TTS Handbook search", () => {
         });
 
         it("and there are some results", async () => {
-          axios.get.mockResolvedValue({
-            data: {
-              results: [
-                { body: "this is result #1", link: "link1", title: "result 1" },
-                { body: "this is result #2", link: "link2", title: "result 2" },
-                { body: "this is result #3", link: "link3", title: "result 3" },
-                { body: "this is result #4", link: "link4", title: "result 4" },
-                { body: "this is result #5", link: "link5", title: "result 5" },
-              ],
-            },
+          fetchResponse.json.mockResolvedValue({
+            results: [
+              { body: "this is result #1", link: "link1", title: "result 1" },
+              { body: "this is result #2", link: "link2", title: "result 2" },
+              { body: "this is result #3", link: "link3", title: "result 3" },
+              { body: "this is result #4", link: "link4", title: "result 4" },
+              { body: "this is result #5", link: "link5", title: "result 5" },
+            ],
           });
           await handler(message);
 
diff --git a/src/scripts/opm_status.js b/src/scripts/opm_status.js
index cb74bde..c84981a 100644
--- a/src/scripts/opm_status.js
+++ b/src/scripts/opm_status.js
@@ -11,7 +11,6 @@
 //    lauraggit
 
 const { directMention } = require("@slack/bolt");
-const axios = require("axios");
 const {
   helpMessage,
   stats: { incrementStats },
@@ -38,12 +37,10 @@ module.exports = (robot) => {
       incrementStats("OPM status");
 
       try {
-        const { data, status } = await axios.get(
+        const data = await fetch(
           "https://www.opm.gov/json/operatingstatus.json",
-        );
-        if (status !== 200) {
-          throw new Error("Invalid status");
-        }
+        ).then((r) => r.json());
+
         say({
           icon_emoji: icons[data.Icon],
           text: `${data.StatusSummary} for ${data.AppliesTo}. (<${data.Url}|Read more>)`,
diff --git a/src/scripts/opm_status.test.js b/src/scripts/opm_status.test.js
index d3ee160..2117025 100644
--- a/src/scripts/opm_status.test.js
+++ b/src/scripts/opm_status.test.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-const { axios, getApp } = require("../utils/test");
+const { getApp } = require("../utils/test");
 const opm = require("./opm_status");
 
 describe("OPM status for DC-area offices", () => {
@@ -9,8 +9,11 @@ describe("OPM status for DC-area offices", () => {
     say: jest.fn(),
   };
 
+  const json = jest.fn();
+
   beforeEach(() => {
     jest.resetAllMocks();
+    fetch.mockResolvedValue({ json });
   });
 
   it("registers a listener", () => {
@@ -27,23 +30,7 @@ describe("OPM status for DC-area offices", () => {
     opm(app);
     const handler = app.getHandler();
 
-    axios.get.mockRejectedValue("error");
-
-    await handler(message);
-
-    expect(message.say).toHaveBeenCalledWith({
-      text: "I didn't get a response from OPM, so... what does <https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/weather/|Capital Weather Gang> say?",
-      thread_ts: "thread id",
-      unfurl_links: false,
-      unfurl_media: false,
-    });
-  });
-
-  it("rejects on a non-200 status code", async () => {
-    opm(app);
-    const handler = app.getHandler();
-
-    axios.get.mockResolvedValue({ data: null, status: 400 });
+    fetch.mockRejectedValue("error");
 
     await handler(message);
 
@@ -59,14 +46,11 @@ describe("OPM status for DC-area offices", () => {
     opm(app);
     const handler = app.getHandler();
 
-    axios.get.mockResolvedValue({
-      data: {
-        AppliesTo: "applies to",
-        Icon: "Open",
-        StatusSummary: "summary",
-        Url: "http://url",
-      },
-      status: 200,
+    json.mockResolvedValue({
+      AppliesTo: "applies to",
+      Icon: "Open",
+      StatusSummary: "summary",
+      Url: "http://url",
     });
 
     await handler(message);
diff --git a/src/scripts/random-responses.js b/src/scripts/random-responses.js
index e76d8ca..3dee16f 100644
--- a/src/scripts/random-responses.js
+++ b/src/scripts/random-responses.js
@@ -1,4 +1,3 @@
-const axios = require("axios");
 const fs = require("fs");
 const plural = require("plural");
 const {
@@ -31,10 +30,7 @@ const getResponses = async (config, searchTerm = false, negate = false) => {
     responses = await cache(
       `random response from ${config.responseUrl}`,
       5,
-      async () => {
-        const { data } = await axios.get(config.responseUrl);
-        return data;
-      },
+      async () => fetch(config.responseUrl).then((r) => r.json()),
     );
   }
 
diff --git a/src/scripts/random-responses.test.js b/src/scripts/random-responses.test.js
index e911e89..9e47389 100644
--- a/src/scripts/random-responses.test.js
+++ b/src/scripts/random-responses.test.js
@@ -1,6 +1,5 @@
 const fs = require("fs");
 const {
-  axios,
   getApp,
   utils: { cache },
 } = require("../utils/test");
@@ -10,8 +9,12 @@ const script = require("./random-responses");
 jest.mock("fs");
 
 describe("random responder", () => {
+  const json = jest.fn();
+
   beforeEach(() => {
     jest.resetAllMocks();
+
+    fetch.mockResolvedValue({ json });
   });
 
   describe("response builder", () => {
@@ -203,7 +206,7 @@ describe("random responder", () => {
     });
 
     it("gets responses from a url", async () => {
-      axios.get.mockResolvedValue({ data: "response data" });
+      json.mockResolvedValue("response data");
       cache.mockResolvedValue("cached data");
 
       const responses = await script.getResponses({
@@ -217,7 +220,7 @@ describe("random responder", () => {
         expect.any(Number),
         expect.any(Function),
       );
-      expect(axios.get).toHaveBeenCalledWith("over there");
+      expect(fetch).toHaveBeenCalledWith("over there");
       expect(data).toEqual("response data");
       expect(responses).toEqual("cached data");
     });
diff --git a/src/scripts/us-code.js b/src/scripts/us-code.js
index 2debfe5..6ef930e 100644
--- a/src/scripts/us-code.js
+++ b/src/scripts/us-code.js
@@ -1,4 +1,3 @@
-const axios = require("axios");
 const cheerio = require("cheerio");
 
 const {
@@ -77,7 +76,7 @@ module.exports = (app) => {
       const pieces = citation.split(" ");
       const url = `https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/${pieces[0]}/${pieces[1]}`;
 
-      const { data } = await axios.get(url);
+      const data = await fetch(url).then((r) => r.text());
       const dom = cheerio.load(data);
 
       const sectionDom = dom(".tab-pane.active div.section");
@@ -269,7 +268,7 @@ module.exports = (app) => {
       const response = { blocks: [], text: "", thread_ts: thread ?? ts };
 
       try {
-        const { data } = await axios.get(url);
+        const data = await fetch(url).then((r) => r.text());
         const dom = cheerio.load(data);
 
         const pageTitle = dom("h1#page_title")
diff --git a/src/scripts/us-code.test.js b/src/scripts/us-code.test.js
index 682501e..62e7888 100644
--- a/src/scripts/us-code.test.js
+++ b/src/scripts/us-code.test.js
@@ -1,12 +1,14 @@
-const { getApp, axios } = require("../utils/test");
+const { getApp } = require("../utils/test");
 
 const usc = require("./us-code");
 
 describe("U.S. Code bot", () => {
   const app = getApp();
+  const text = jest.fn();
 
   beforeEach(() => {
     jest.resetAllMocks();
+    fetch.mockResolvedValue({ text });
   });
 
   it("registers a handler", () => {
@@ -35,7 +37,7 @@ describe("U.S. Code bot", () => {
 
     describe("if there is any kind of unexpected error", () => {
       beforeEach(() => {
-        axios.get.mockRejectedValue({});
+        fetch.mockRejectedValue({});
       });
 
       it("does not say anything", async () => {
@@ -46,7 +48,7 @@ describe("U.S. Code bot", () => {
 
     describe("for a title or subsection that does not exist", () => {
       beforeEach(() => {
-        axios.get.mockRejectedValue({ response: { status: 404 } });
+        fetch.mockRejectedValue({ response: { status: 404 } });
       });
 
       it("tells us it doesn't exist", async () => {
@@ -100,7 +102,7 @@ describe("U.S. Code bot", () => {
             .map((v) => v.trim()),
         );
 
-        axios.get.mockImplementation(async () => ({ data: html.join("") }));
+        text.mockImplementation(async () => html.join(""));
       });
 
       it("sends the user a message with the title and a button for the full text", async () => {
@@ -251,9 +253,10 @@ describe("U.S. Code bot", () => {
                   .map((_, i) => `${(i + 1) % 10}`)
                   .join(" ");
 
-                axios.get.mockImplementation(async () => ({
-                  data: `<h1 id="page_title">XX USC YYY - Section Name</h1><div class="tab-pane active"><div class="section"><div class="content">${longMessage}</div></div></div>`,
-                }));
+                text.mockImplementation(
+                  async () =>
+                    `<h1 id="page_title">XX USC YYY - Section Name</h1><div class="tab-pane active"><div class="section"><div class="content">${longMessage}</div></div></div>`,
+                );
 
                 await requestModal(request);
 
diff --git a/src/scripts/zen.js b/src/scripts/zen.js
index 0fb74f2..5903aad 100644
--- a/src/scripts/zen.js
+++ b/src/scripts/zen.js
@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@
 //   anildigital
 //
 const { directMention } = require("@slack/bolt");
-const axios = require("axios");
+
 const {
   helpMessage,
   stats: { incrementStats },
@@ -33,8 +33,10 @@ module.exports = (app) => {
     /\bzen\b/i,
     async ({ event: { thread_ts: thread }, say }) => {
       incrementStats("zen");
-      const { data } = await axios.get("https://api.github.com/zen");
-      say({ text: data, thread_ts: thread });
+      const text = await fetch("https://api.github.com/zen").then((r) =>
+        r.text(),
+      );
+      say({ text, thread_ts: thread });
     },
   );
 };
diff --git a/src/scripts/zen.test.js b/src/scripts/zen.test.js
index 1f41eb5..26378cb 100644
--- a/src/scripts/zen.test.js
+++ b/src/scripts/zen.test.js
@@ -1,8 +1,14 @@
-const { axios, getApp } = require("../utils/test");
+const { getApp } = require("../utils/test");
 const zen = require("./zen");
 
 describe("zen bot", () => {
   const app = getApp();
+  const text = jest.fn();
+
+  beforeEach(() => {
+    jest.resetAllMocks();
+    fetch.mockResolvedValue({ text });
+  });
 
   it("subscribes to direct mentions that include the word 'zen'", () => {
     zen(app);
@@ -15,6 +21,7 @@ describe("zen bot", () => {
   });
 
   it("fetches a zen message from the GitHub API when triggered", async () => {
+    zen(app);
     const handler = app.getHandler();
 
     const message = {
@@ -24,7 +31,7 @@ describe("zen bot", () => {
       say: jest.fn(),
     };
 
-    axios.get.mockResolvedValue({ data: "zen message" });
+    text.mockResolvedValue("zen message");
 
     await handler(message);
 
diff --git a/src/utils/test.js b/src/utils/test.js
index 1c9dcfa..2e76540 100644
--- a/src/utils/test.js
+++ b/src/utils/test.js
@@ -1,4 +1,3 @@
-const axios = require("axios");
 const brain = require("../brain");
 const {
   cache,
@@ -11,11 +10,12 @@ const {
   tock,
 } = require("./index");
 
-// Mock axios and the utility functions, to make it easier for tests to use.
-jest.mock("axios");
+// Mock fetch and the utility functions, to make it easier for tests to use.
 jest.mock("../brain");
 jest.mock("./index");
 
+global.fetch = jest.fn();
+
 module.exports = {
   getApp: () => {
     const action = jest.fn();
@@ -85,7 +85,6 @@ module.exports = {
       },
     };
   },
-  axios,
   brain,
   utils: {
     cache,
diff --git a/src/utils/tock.js b/src/utils/tock.js
index 08aa588..7066c98 100644
--- a/src/utils/tock.js
+++ b/src/utils/tock.js
@@ -1,16 +1,15 @@
-const axios = require("axios");
+const path = require("node:path");
 const { cache } = require("./cache");
 const { getSlackUsers } = require("./slack");
 
-const tockAPI = axios.create({
-  baseURL: process.env.TOCK_API,
-  headers: { Authorization: `Token ${process.env.TOCK_TOKEN}` },
-});
-
 const getFromTock = async (url) =>
   cache(`tock fetch: ${url}`, 10, async () => {
-    const { data } = await tockAPI.get(url);
-    return data;
+    const absoluteURL = new URL(process.env.TOCK_API);
+    absoluteURL.pathname = path.join(absoluteURL.pathname, url);
+
+    return fetch(absoluteURL, {
+      headers: { Authorization: `Token ${process.env.TOCK_TOKEN}` },
+    }).then((r) => r.json());
   });
 
 /**
diff --git a/src/utils/tock.test.js b/src/utils/tock.test.js
index a81e704..4c9adde 100644
--- a/src/utils/tock.test.js
+++ b/src/utils/tock.test.js
@@ -1,16 +1,11 @@
 const moment = require("moment");
+require("./test");
 
 describe("utils / tock", () => {
-  const create = jest.fn();
-  jest.doMock("axios", () => ({ create }));
-
-  const get = jest.fn();
-  create.mockReturnValue({ get });
-
   const getSlackUsers = jest.fn();
   jest.doMock("./slack", () => ({ getSlackUsers }));
 
-  process.env.TOCK_API = "tock api";
+  process.env.TOCK_API = "https://tock";
   process.env.TOCK_TOKEN = "tock token";
 
   const {
@@ -67,87 +62,80 @@ describe("utils / tock", () => {
     },
   ]);
 
-  get.mockImplementation(async (url) => {
-    switch (url) {
-      case "/user_data.json":
-        return {
-          data: [
-            {
-              is_18f_employee: true,
-              is_active: true,
-              current_employee: true,
-              user: "user 1",
-            },
-            {
-              is_18f_employee: false,
-              is_active: true,
-              current_employee: true,
-              user: "user 2",
-            },
-            {
-              is_18f_employee: true,
-              is_active: false,
-              current_employee: true,
-              user: "user 3",
-            },
-            {
-              is_18f_employee: true,
-              is_active: true,
-              current_employee: false,
-              user: "user 4",
-            },
-            {
-              is_18f_employee: true,
-              is_active: true,
-              current_employee: true,
-              user: "user 5",
-            },
-          ],
-        };
-
-      case "/users.json":
-        return {
-          data: [
-            { email: "email 1", id: 1, username: "user 1" },
-            { email: "email 2", id: 2, username: "user 2" },
-            { email: "email 3", id: 3, username: "user 3" },
-            { email: "email 4", id: 4, username: "user 4" },
-            { email: "email 5", id: 5, username: "user 5" },
-          ],
-        };
-
-      case "/reporting_period_audit/2020-10-04.json":
-        return {
-          data: [
-            {
-              id: 1,
-              username: "user 1",
-              email: "email 1",
-            },
-          ],
-        };
-
-      case "/reporting_period_audit/2020-10-11.json":
-        return {
-          data: [
-            {
-              id: 5,
-              username: "user 5",
-              email: "email 5",
-            },
-          ],
-        };
+  fetch.mockImplementation(async (url) => {
+    const json = jest.fn();
+
+    switch (url.toString()) {
+      case "https://tock/user_data.json":
+        json.mockResolvedValue([
+          {
+            is_18f_employee: true,
+            is_active: true,
+            current_employee: true,
+            user: "user 1",
+          },
+          {
+            is_18f_employee: false,
+            is_active: true,
+            current_employee: true,
+            user: "user 2",
+          },
+          {
+            is_18f_employee: true,
+            is_active: false,
+            current_employee: true,
+            user: "user 3",
+          },
+          {
+            is_18f_employee: true,
+            is_active: true,
+            current_employee: false,
+            user: "user 4",
+          },
+          {
+            is_18f_employee: true,
+            is_active: true,
+            current_employee: true,
+            user: "user 5",
+          },
+        ]);
+        break;
+
+      case "https://tock/users.json":
+        json.mockResolvedValue([
+          { email: "email 1", id: 1, username: "user 1" },
+          { email: "email 2", id: 2, username: "user 2" },
+          { email: "email 3", id: 3, username: "user 3" },
+          { email: "email 4", id: 4, username: "user 4" },
+          { email: "email 5", id: 5, username: "user 5" },
+        ]);
+        break;
+
+      case "https://tock/reporting_period_audit/2020-10-04.json":
+        json.mockResolvedValue([
+          {
+            id: 1,
+            username: "user 1",
+            email: "email 1",
+          },
+        ]);
+        break;
+
+      case "https://tock/reporting_period_audit/2020-10-11.json":
+        json.mockResolvedValue([
+          {
+            id: 5,
+            username: "user 5",
+            email: "email 5",
+          },
+        ]);
+        break;
 
       default:
-        throw new Error("unmocked url");
+        throw new Error(`unmocked url: ${url}`);
     }
-  });
 
-  it("sets up the default Axios client correctly", () => {
-    expect(create).toHaveBeenCalledWith({
-      baseURL: "tock api",
-      headers: { Authorization: "Token tock token" },
-    });
+    return { json };
   });
 
   it("gets a list of current 18F Tock users", async () => {